Why I still cry over Sandy Hook

When I heard about San Bernardino, I didn't cry. I was sad and my prayers went out to that community, but I did not cry. On the anniversary of  the Virginia Tech massacre, I reflect and remember, but I do not cry. It may sound harsh, but it is the truth. When I think about Sandy Hook, I cry just as hard and as much as I did that day.

It was a regular morning, my second year of grad school. Not having to be at work until 10am, my morning started off as it usually did. I was awake early, drinking coffee and watching the news. I heard the breaking news right when it first broke. As I watched the reports and heard what had happened, I cried. I kept watching, and I cried. I sat there for hours, and I cried. It's different when it hits so close to home.

Newtown? How could something like this happen in Newtown? Sandy Hook is a quaint, safe area just miles down the road from the house I grew up in. If Newtown, Connecticut is not safe then I don't know of anywhere in this world that is safe. That day I wrote, "So close to home. I don't understand our world. I think I've lost hope for our society and our future."

As I sit here, three years later I still feel the same way. Nothing has changed. I don't understand our world. I don't know that I have hope for our society.  From tragedies like the Sandy Hook shooting, we always see a stronger community emerge. So many came together to show support for Sandy Hook. My own hometown gave a school building to be the temporary Sandy Hook Elementary School. We welcomed them to our town with signs and with our hearts. I visited Sandy Hook that year and saw all of the notes, signs, stuffed animals, and flowers that were brought there or sent there from all over. I talked to a Bridgeport police officer who was there directing traffic because Newtown police needed extra help. It warms my heart to know that my hometown and so many other communities and people stepped up to assist Sandy Hook in any way they could.

I wonder if there will be a December 14 when I don't cry. A day when I remember and honor those who were lost, but I do not cry. I wonder if there's a day when I'll have hope in our world. I think about whether or not I want kids some day, and I'm not sure I want to bring a child into this world. I lost a part of myself on December 14, 2012. A part of myself that believed in our society. We lost 26 beautiful souls that day. And that is why I still cry. I've found some of that hope in the strength that came from Newtown in the wake of a tragedy.

A few days ago my mom received a note and a drawing from a Sandy Hook School student, Griffin. The note was thanking Monroe for giving a school to Sandy Hook so they could learn, and for taking care of them while they're at school. It brought tears to my eyes, but it made me proud. We did what we could for a town in need. We chose to prevail over the evil. As many have said, evil did not win that day.  I know that to honor those 26 beautiful souls lost that day, that I need to have hope and believe in the future.

Today, and every day, we choose love.

Social Media Woes: RA Class Edition

So in an assignment for the RA Leadership Class, students have to reflect on their social media use in a digital format... like a blog post for example. Since social media is a huge passion of mine, I thought that I would do the assignment as an example to them.

The first part was for them to watch The Social Media Revolution 2014 video.

Then there were some questions to answer:
What piece of the video stood out the most for you? Why?: I think it's just the overall growth of Social Media. It's amazing how at some point it reached the tipping point [good book...] and took off. Thanks to my Facebook video for their 10 year anniversary, I realized I've been on Facebook since 2006 [I was in high school]. I was on MySpace and Friendster before that [many students don't even know what Friendster is]. It used to be a small part of my week, and now it's a big part of my day.
Did anything in the video surprise you?: I was pretty surprised that online students outperform face-to-face students. I don't do well in online classes, so I guess I just didn't think much about how others do.
How does the social media revolution affect you?: It's a part of my life. I'm on social media every day, and my students and residents are too. It's become a strong passion of mine, so it's something I pursue in work too through presentations and use.
How connected are you?: In a given day, I check my social media profiles ten to twenty times a day? More like I'm always connected though. I'm on Facebook every day, though I don't post as often as I used to. Twitter is hit or miss with me. Instagram is usually every other day or so. LinkedIN is rarely [I'm bad with this one, but better than I used to be].
Who are you?: Well, I wrote enough 'Who Am I?' papers in grad school to know this one. It's a really long answer [you should see the papers I wrote].
What do you believe in? What are your values?: I believe in ambition and striving to make the world a better place, in whatever way you think accomplishes that. I value integrity, faith, family, honesty, and learning.
What will you stand up for? What won't you?: I stand up for myself, for those less fortunate, and for animal rights [mostly as far as whaling and dolphin slaughtering]. I won't stand up for anyone trying to beat the system, or anything that would lessen my intergrity.
What are your closest friends like? Are they like you?: They're kind of all over the place. Some of us are just the same, and some of us are polar opposites. Our values bring us together.
Does your online profile(s) accurately reflect who you are?: I've spent a lot of time making sure my online identity matches who I am, so yes, my digital identity is the same as what you get with me in reality.
What happens when you Google yourself? What did you find? Any surprises?: So, it's not the first time I have Googled my name. I highly recommend googling yourself and your friends when you're all in a group. It provides for a lot of laughs. I'm an ARNP in Louisville, KY and a tax service in Hugo, OK. You find my blog, which is cool. You find an image of me as a RA, images of me from my blog, as well as pictures I've taken and put online. Oh, and you find some images of finches... the bird. Cool.
What will someone's first impression of you be based on your profile(s)? Probably that I like to bake, love photography, and am terrible at blogging.
What do you want people to know about you?: That I'm constantly on a journey, and hope they'll tag along or show support.
Can you get in trouble for the contents on your profile(s)?: Nope.
Do you need to change anything in order to be a better role model for UWF students and residents?: I don't think there's anything that makes me a bad role model, but there are always self-improvements I could make to strive to become a better one.

Snowpocalypse 2014

Last week on Friday it sleeted. In Florida. Granted, this is lower Alabama, but it typically doesn't sleet here. I joked about wanting a snow day. I didn't intend for it to happen. Especially not three. I definitely did not want it to happen while I was on duty. So let's talk about Snowpocalypse 2014.

University announced on Monday that the campus would be closed on Tuesday and Wednesday. Well great. Sleet, freezing rain, and snow were all in the forecast along with icy roads that the state is not prepared for. Naturally, being from the North, I was not worried about these conditions. Tuesday I venture out for dinner (Mellow Mushroom... delish) and then to a movie. Well the theater was closed. Fail. Thanks Pensacola. At least MM was open. In the end it all worked out for the best.

Wednesday gets here, and I get myself out of bed to watch Good Morning America. Well apparently this crazy weather is big enough news that the local news stays on and they don't play GMA. Instead I'm subjected to pictures of ice and icy roads and listening to people who have never witnessed such a phenomenon. Highly disappointed. So I looked outside, found that it was super pretty, and decided to go on an adventure. Campus looked awesome. I walked around for two and a half hours. Then I ventured out to Panera for lunch. Roads were slippery, but it was nothing new to me (I was more worried about other drivers).

As I'm walking out of Panera, I hear the infamous (and cringe-worthy) duty phone ringtone. Burst pipe and a ceiling issue. Been there done that. No heat. Well damn. Let's open shelter. A whole lot of other issues and a night full of rounds (still ongoing). Well it's been fun. I got nearly every major issue all in one day. Record. And learned some awesome code speak... 'Tony has the torch'.... still don't know what that means.

Needless to say, it's been one interesting day. Another snow day tomorrow (which is really today now). These are things I didn't expect to happen in FLORIDA. I realized I love weather like this so I definitely need to move north (where they're better prepared for this weather. Well, just prepared in general). I also never thought I would need a jacket or gloves in Florida. So I have neither and mostly I wish I had gloves. Thankful I have a hat, and glad I look cute in it. I also enjoyed my photo adventure today and realized I've missed taking pictures. So I leave you with this photo evidence of snowpocalypse 2014:

If you're wondering about the DG Photography... it's a long story dating back to high school.

Stay warm, Florida. By which I mean, get warm because I'd like to sleep instead of dealing with issues.

Looking Back: 2013

It's been some year, right? Right. I can't believe it's over already though. Overall it's been a great year. It had it's good moments, and it's bad moments, and a lot of in-between moments. I graduated, I interviewed, I traveled, and more. In some ways I'm glad it's over and in some ways I'm not ready for 2014. A year ago I rang in the new year with good friends in Connecticut. This year I really don't even feel like ringing in the new year. Guess I'm getting old.

Jar full of great moments of 2013. Time to crack this open and share some of the highlights.

Looking Back: 2013

• Presented at a conference! I enjoyed the experience and met some cool people! Learned a lot from that conference too. 
• Graduated with my master's! My family came down to celebrate my birthday and my graduation. It was great to show them Pensacola and to introduce them to crawfish at the Pensacola Crawfish Festival!
• Ran my first 5k. The Pensacola Sunset Run, 40:37.
• Got to travel to Vermont for a campus interview at a very unique college. Enjoyed the experience and the change in scenery.
• Interviewed at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. Enjoyed traveling to Hawaii, enjoyed meeting great people at UH Manoa, and got to spend a day visiting Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona memorial. Amazing experience.
• Interviewed at the University of Alaska at Fairbanks (the very same week I interviewed in Hawaii). Incredible place and some awesome people too. I also got to reconnect with a FIT friend and have some wonderful boring adventures in Fairbanks.
• Went back to work at Panera and enjoyed it quite a bit. 
• Got to experience a wonderful wedding in St. Augustine Beach. Very happy for my friends and I was glad I got to share the day with them.
• Got a job with Housing and Residence Life at UWF. It was a journey going through my job search process. I wanted to get out of Florida, but in the end I'm happy to have stayed in Pensacola.
• Got to reconnect with a sister who was visiting Pensacola for work.
• Had a great FIT alumna moment when I met with the director of the new extended studies site. Enjoyed making a new connection.
• Adopted my adorable cat Bailey (who I think is plotting to take over the world).
• Started playing in a kickball league. Met some great people and had a blast! Can't wait for the next season.
• Ran my 2nd 5k. I was sick but still ran it in 38:04, a new PR for me.
• Learned how to curl with a couple of awesome FIT friends. Great times with great friends.
• Took some chances that didn't really work out, but the things I've learned made it worth it. 
• Started to bake a lot more and try some new baking adventures, and overall increased my love for baking.
• Met a lot of great people this year. Said goodbye to some friends. Made some new friends.

Cut 13 inches off my hair last December, and it's getting close to it's original length.

Looking Forward: 2014

I'm not one to make resolutions. I think last year I gave up on giving up things. Maybe? I don't know. I never was one to make realistic resolutions that I could stick to.  Well it's about to be a new year, so a new beginning, perhaps? Here's what I'm hoping to do this year.

• Spend less, save more. (Though now a lot of my spending goes to loans, so that may be tough...)
• Eat healthier. I'm toying with the idea of going vegan, but easing into it. So I'm cutting back the dairy. I want at least 3 dinners a week to be vegan.
• Cook more and bake more (but make it healthy)
• No more soda. I haven't been drinking much of it anyway, so it's time for it to go.
• More working out. More running, but also mixing up my workouts. Pilates, maybe some yoga, considering swimming. Just wanting to be more active and reach some fitness goals.
• More time for me. Sounds selfish, but I just want to focus on doing some things that I've been wanting to do for a while. This includes vacation and traveling. I'm hoping this year to make it to one of these places: Washington state, Salt Lake City, or Maine. 
• Unclutter (declutter? unclutter?) my life. 
• Blog more. [laughter]. See what I mean about unrealistic? Thought I'd throw that one in for kicks.

Some positive energy for the new year.

All You Are

First off, I've failed at blogging for the last few months. Oh well, get over it. I have. :)

Yesterday I had the pleasure of having brunch with some wonderful ladies of Alpha Phi. Every other month our alumnae chapter gets together, and it's always a treasured experience. This one was extra special. Though it started with me not wanting to go anymore because I'd have to drive two hours to get there (I of course live the furthest away, and they all live pretty close together) and we were going to a place that was definitely going to cost far too much. But I sucked it up and went anyway. I am glad I did.

The food was expensive, but it was so amazing! The best part was the amazing women I get to spend time with. One of our sisters was diagnosed with brain cancer about 7 weeks ago. She has lived a long, beautiful life and decided to not pursue treatment. She was told that by not pursuing treatment she had about a month to live. That was over a month and a half ago. It is a blessing that she is here with us still. What's even better than that is that she is virtually symptom free. Her only symptom is weakness in the legs that makes standing up difficult. To look at her and talk to her is amazing because she is so full of life and so happy. It's a miracle, it really is. I cannot begin to explain how full of life she seems. You would never know she is sick. When we planned our next gathering (in February) she did not hesitate to add it to her calendar and tell us she'll be there.

I was so inspired by the radiance of this amazing sister. So I thought, what can I learn from her? Lately I've been struggling to run. The last 2-3 weeks I haven't been running because I've had no motivation. Running used to be a stress reliever for me, but it started to become a cause of stress. Seeing this sister so brilliantly full of life and happiness gave me a reason to run again. I have an amazing life and I need to stay in good health, both physically and mentally. So today after work (despite my lack of motivation) I went running. It felt like running used to feel. It relieved stress and it made me feel wonderful. I can't wait for tomorrow's run. I found my motivation and inspiration in the life of an amazing woman.

--

When you're afraid of what your heart says, you fall into place with your excuses

Don't say what you mean if you don't mean it

If you're gonna dream, why don't you dream it?

...to life, you come back to life

When you feel paralyzed and could not care

Well open your eyes and see what's there...

And you follow the light, your heart is strong

And make up the time that you have lost...

The song of the moment in my life:

Into the Professional World

Two years ago today, I moved into my very first apartment in Pensacola, FL. I had no job, enough money to pay the rent through October, and was about to start grad school. Today, I am happy to announce that I am officially a full-time employee of the University of West Florida. I will be a full-time hall director for a first year, living learning community building. I am super excited that I have this opportunity.

So many of you may know (if you've read my blog or talked to me in the past several months) that my job search hasn't been the most successful. There were definitely times this summer when I was ready to give up on searching, but I didn't. It was hard to receive so many rejections, but in the end I was in the right place at the right time to transition into the role I now have with UWF.

I thought it might be interesting to compile some of my job search stats.

Cecilia's Job Search Stats 2013

• # of states where jobs applied for were located: 25
• # of states where jobs interviewed for were located: 15
• Total # of interviews: 34
• Phone intreviews: 5
• Campus interviews: 5 interviews in 5 states
• Schools interviewed with: 26
• Length of job search (from preparing resume to job offer): 9 months
• Length of job search (from first interview to job offer): 5 months
• Being appointed to a position: Priceless

I'm super excited to continue working with the wonderful UWF staff. I'm sad that my last day at Panera Bread is approaching, but happy that the amazing people there will still be in my life. As many of you know, I've wanted to get out of Florida since my years as an undergrad, but I'm really happy to be staying in Pensacola.

I <3 Panera Bread.

Thanks to everyone who has been supportive over these past several months. I had some really rough times, and I never let on to much of it, but I couldn't have made it through all of this without the people around me.

P.S. How many people can say they went to Alaska and Hawaii for free? It was unbelivably worth it! Just sayin'.

Alphabetical Advice

I've been doing a lot of alphabetizing lately so this seemed fitting. 

Challenge: Create a list of alphabetical advice. 

A: Ask questions.

B: Be there for those who need you.

C: Clear your mind.

D: Destroy what destroys you. 

E: Enjoy each moment.

F: Find a place that makes you happy to just be there. (Mine's the beach)

G: Give without receiving.

H: Help others.

I: If you can't find it, stop looking for it, and it will suddenly be there.

J: Jump as high as you can.

K: Keep moving forward.

L: Listen carefully.

M: Make your voice heard.

N: Never let others bring you down.

O: Open your mind. 

P: Promise only if you can fulfill that promise. 

Q: Quiet times should be appreciated.

R: Read for fun. 

S: Start your day right (whatever way that might be for you).

T: Take care of the planet. 

U: Understand that you are as strong ad you think you are. So hold yourself up high (but be humble).

V: Visualize your dreams.

W: When you think you can't go any further, take one more step.

X: X-ercise to stay healthy not skinny. 

Y: You have to love yourself inside and out before you'll open your heart completely to someone.

Z: Zoom through life and you'll miss out on some amazing experiences. Don't be in such a hurry all the time. 

I hope you find some of this advice useful. Happy Saturday!!

There's beauty all around us, but we must take the time to appreciate it.