Clover.

Clover makes me think of St. Patrick's day. Which was over a month ago. Had some good times then though. Went downtown with some awesome friends and had a fun night. I'm going to miss those times in a week and a half when I'm not here anymore. I could use a four leaf clover for good luck right now though. UWF is in the process of reviewing my application and I'm really hoping I get in. If not though, that's cool too.

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After I finished writing that clover also made me think of my residents. The majority of my residents are PTC (Pilot Training College) guys, and a bunch of them are Irish. They've all been a great group of residents. We expected a lot of trouble from them, but they've really been pretty awesome. Not to mention several of them are pretty nice to look at.

Overall though, I've had some pretty awesome residents over the years. There have been the ones that cause trouble, but there have been a lot more that have been really awesome. I'm still friends with some of my residents from my first year as a RA. Having been a RA for three years now I've overall enjoyed the experience. It has had its moments and times when I really wanted to get out (I did quit once), but looking back the great times and the experiences have far outweighed the bad. I will miss it to some extent.

Deadbolt.

Deadbolt? Lock your doors? I'm coming up nothing. I guess I use a deadbolt on my life sometimes. I shut away some feelings and lock them up with a deadbolt, keeping them away from everyone, but myself.

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I spent most of that time trying to think of what I could possibly write about deadbolt. That's the best I could come up with. I guess though it's pretty relevant to me right now. There's a lot going on with the end of the year, graduation, and everything in general. I've had a surge of feelings and emotions that I just haven't wanted to share. So I haven't. It's not the best idea I know, but I just can't bring myself to share my thoughts, so I just bottle them away. That's the best I've got for now.

Trailer

These words are getting harder and harder to write about. Anyway, to get all my stuff home we were going to get a UHAUL trailer, but apparently you're not allowed to tow one with a Jeep Wrangler because it has a soft top, despite it having a roll bar. So now who knows what will happen. Time to become a minimalist.

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Officially done with classes as of last night. I have three take home finals and two in class finals. After that it's graduation and then heading home. It's crazy to think that four years have gone by so fast. They dragged on at times, but looking back it's gone by so fast. I mean, I remember my high school graduation like it was last week. Senior year of high school doesn't feel like it ended four years ago. I remember going to Senior Banquet, and not staying for very long, and Justine's dress getting sparkles EVERYWHERE. Now it's senior year of college and there's all sorts of banquets and senior sendoff ceremonies going on.

Then it's going home. That's all there is to that story. At least for now. I'm excited to be going home this summer, and I'm excited for the plans that have already been made. Now it's just time to see where life takes me. I'm really not at all worried.

Intersection

What do you want me to do with intersection? I could mention that I'm at an intersection in my life. Different roads to go down that all lead to somewhere... too bad I have yet to figure out that somewhere. But really intersection is not leading me to anything else to write about.

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Well I wrote a lot in 60 seconds there didn't I? Granted I spent half the time going "Intersection? Wtf?"

We all know an intersection is where roads meet and pass through each other. The people we meet are like intersections. Our lives cross paths, and while we may be stalled there for some time (red light, perhaps?) we continue on in our separate ways eventually. That's not to say that our lives won't intersect again though right? Here it is I'm graduating college and everyone seems to be going off in every direction. For some, I know our lives aren't likely to cross paths again, and there are others who I know will always be there.

Then there are those roads that seem to run parallel to our own. There's that person who you want to cross paths with, to get stuck at a red light at the intersection, and yet it seems as though the road is always parallel and you just can't get there. Is that cryptic enough for you? All I'm saying, I want to cross paths.

Puzzled

Puzzled. That's perfect. I am so puzzled about what to do with my life. At this point I've accepted that I won't be attending graduate school in the fall, due to not getting in. It's not that I don't fit the criteria to get in, but that I applied late and my school hasn't sent my transcripts. I'm seeing this as a good thing though as it will allow me apply for other graduate school programs for the following year. But I'm still puzzled.

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As I mentioned, I've accepted that I won't be going to grad school in the fall. I'm okay with that because I really want to apply to a number of schools, so I'll be able to do that for Fall 2012. But Fall 2012 is a LONG way away, and the question of what to do until then has me puzzled. I've applied for two jobs so far. I got rejected for one. The other, the one with the CT DEP, I interviewed for and I thought it had gone really well. It seemed like it went really well, and I was left with the impression that my chances of getting the job were high. I was supposed to have heard by the end of this past week, and I didn't. It doesn't mean that I haven't gotten the job, but my sometimes paranoid "think the worst" mind doesn't have high hopes anymore. Hopefully I will hear Monday. I've already prepared myself for the negative, and I've decided it won't be a big deal if I don't get it. I mean I still want the job, as it is right along the lines of what I want to do (at least as far as my degree goes). It would only be a seasonal position so it would last much longer than the summer, so I'd still be back at square one after that (but at least I'd have experience under my belt). Plus, if I don't get it then I don't have to worry about commuting an hour or so to work especially with these gas prices (already over $4 in CT).

Okay, so let's say I don't get this job. Then what? Back to being puzzled. I'm going home either way after graduation. That seems to be the only sure thing right now. I'm still welcome to return to my job at the Canteen, which is awesome. I totally appreciate that I have that opportunity because that is a rare thing to have in this world. So I know that I always have that to fall back on and I know that they'll give me all the hours I want (or don't want) and I'll be making good money that I can save up for six months down the road when my loan payments start. So while I know that I have that to fall back on, I'd still prefer something related to what I just spent 4 years (8 if you count high school) studying for.

So today I began the search for some more jobs to apply for (while I should have been working on my paper or homework, but oh well).  I found two so far that I'm going to apply for. One is with the Research Corporation of the University of Hawaii. Yes, Hawaii. The position is a bivalve hatchery technician. The pay isn't amazing, but it's typical for starting jobs in Aquaculture. Who cares though, it's Hawaii right? The thing that limits me on being qualified for this position though is the 'one year of aquaculture experience'. Although, the education requirement is only a 2 year Associate's degree in a related field of biology. So I'm thinking that there's a chance that my 4-year Bachelor's degree and hands on experience from my aquaculture classes could substitute for that year of experience. I would not hesitate to pick up and move to Hawaii. Wouldn't even take much with me, but some clothes and necessities. But I haven't set any expectations for this, as my chances of getting it are probably slim.

Another job I found is a lot closer to home. It's for a marine sciences teaching assistant at the Mystic Seaport in Mystic, CT.  The position is open starting the end of May and I seem to meet the requirements (no mention of experience needed either). So I'll apply for that and see where that takes me.

Either way I've decided that whether I go home with a job or not, and I know I'll be staying at home for some time, I'm going to start volunteering at the Maritime Aquarium again. I did it back in high school until balancing school, work, and volunteering became too much. I really enjoyed volunteering there and I regretted every moment that I gave it up. I want to start volunteering again. I found it fun working with the public (surprise) in that setting, and I really enjoy being able to teach them something, especially about something I love so much. So at least I figured one thing out! Too bad it's the one thing that won't pay, but I'm okay with that.

So I'm puzzled. Don't know where my life is going or what I'll be doing. Long-term goal is to go to grad school for student affairs in 2012. Which I know makes it weird that I'm looking for jobs in aquaculture and fisheries until then, but that's what my degree is in and I enjoy it a lot so I might as well do it. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind another 10 times in the next year and a half? Could happen. I might not know what I'm doing with my life at the moment, but I'm okay with that because I know I'll find something. It will all work out in the end, and that's all that really matters. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy the things in life that I do have.

Hysterical.

Hysterical? What do I write about that that could possibly relate to my life? I guess the first thing that came to mind was all the times I've laughed so hysterically until I ended up crying. Or hyperventilating. Fun times. It hasn't happened much lately. Not that things haven't been funny, but I think that all the people I shared those moments with are people I've grown apart from.

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There are only 24 days until graduation, and 27 days until I leave this school. I've had the same friends for all four years for the most part. Some have changed over the years. The ones who count have stuck  around. Sometimes I feel like things have changed a little. Maybe not changed, but fluctuated. Who I'm  closest with has changed from time to time, sometimes surprisingly, sometimes unwanted. Overall though I guess its all worked out. I know who I'm friends with, I know who I'll stay friends with. It's a little hard to grasp the concept that in less than a month I'm leaving, and seeing these friends again is unknown, but it will happen if it is meant to. I think for some it is meant to happen and therefore it will happen.