When I heard about San Bernardino, I didn't cry. I was sad and my prayers went out to that community, but I did not cry. On the anniversary of the Virginia Tech massacre, I reflect and remember, but I do not cry. It may sound harsh, but it is the truth. When I think about Sandy Hook, I cry just as hard and as much as I did that day.
It was a regular morning, my second year of grad school. Not having to be at work until 10am, my morning started off as it usually did. I was awake early, drinking coffee and watching the news. I heard the breaking news right when it first broke. As I watched the reports and heard what had happened, I cried. I kept watching, and I cried. I sat there for hours, and I cried. It's different when it hits so close to home.
Newtown? How could something like this happen in Newtown? Sandy Hook is a quaint, safe area just miles down the road from the house I grew up in. If Newtown, Connecticut is not safe then I don't know of anywhere in this world that is safe. That day I wrote, "So close to home. I don't understand our world. I think I've lost hope for our society and our future."
As I sit here, three years later I still feel the same way. Nothing has changed. I don't understand our world. I don't know that I have hope for our society. From tragedies like the Sandy Hook shooting, we always see a stronger community emerge. So many came together to show support for Sandy Hook. My own hometown gave a school building to be the temporary Sandy Hook Elementary School. We welcomed them to our town with signs and with our hearts. I visited Sandy Hook that year and saw all of the notes, signs, stuffed animals, and flowers that were brought there or sent there from all over. I talked to a Bridgeport police officer who was there directing traffic because Newtown police needed extra help. It warms my heart to know that my hometown and so many other communities and people stepped up to assist Sandy Hook in any way they could.
I wonder if there will be a December 14 when I don't cry. A day when I remember and honor those who were lost, but I do not cry. I wonder if there's a day when I'll have hope in our world. I think about whether or not I want kids some day, and I'm not sure I want to bring a child into this world. I lost a part of myself on December 14, 2012. A part of myself that believed in our society. We lost 26 beautiful souls that day. And that is why I still cry. I've found some of that hope in the strength that came from Newtown in the wake of a tragedy.
A few days ago my mom received a note and a drawing from a Sandy Hook School student, Griffin. The note was thanking Monroe for giving a school to Sandy Hook so they could learn, and for taking care of them while they're at school. It brought tears to my eyes, but it made me proud. We did what we could for a town in need. We chose to prevail over the evil. As many have said, evil did not win that day. I know that to honor those 26 beautiful souls lost that day, that I need to have hope and believe in the future.
Today, and every day, we choose love.
